i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
sex in a hospital.. check
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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