I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
