haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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