ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
