hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
