On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
