Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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