Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need a beard to bite.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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