i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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