I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
