so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my being single is dangerous.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
