Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
