that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
