i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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