Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
