Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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