Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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