i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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