some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
