Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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