I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
