Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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