oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
