I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
