He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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