he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
