please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
