she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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