It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
