Farmville is her only friend.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
