for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
