she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
