Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
