Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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