is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
