News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
