I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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