Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
