I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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