I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
