i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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