Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
