Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
