guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
