And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
