i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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