you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
