What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
