Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
