She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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