walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
