Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
